The Day I Realized I’ve Been Building the Wrong Thing

Real-Time Journey Content

I had a complete breakdown in Target yesterday.

Not a cute, Instagram-worthy “self-care moment.” A full-on, sitting-in-my-car-in-the-parking-lot, questioning-everything breakdown.

And it started with a notebook.

I was walking through the office supply aisle (because apparently I think buying a new planner will solve all my problems), and I saw this woman. She was probably in her sixties, and she was FaceTiming someone, showing them different notebooks and laughing about how she “doesn’t need another one but can’t help herself.”

And something about watching her—this woman who was clearly living her life, enjoying a random Tuesday, not performing for anyone—absolutely wrecked me.

Because I realized: I can’t remember the last time I did something just because I wanted to. The last time I enjoyed a random Tuesday. The last time I wasn’t performing.

What I’ve Been Building

For the last two years, I’ve been building a business. A brand. A platform. And I’ve told myself it’s all for the Kingdom. All for the calling. All for the women I’m meant to serve.

And that’s true. But it’s not the whole truth.

The whole truth is: I’ve also been building a version of myself that I think people will respect. A version that looks like I have it all together. A version that’s successful enough, spiritual enough, strategic enough to be taken seriously.

I’ve been curating my content, editing my captions, and filtering my stories—not just to serve my audience, but to hide the parts of me I’m afraid aren’t impressive enough.

I’ve been building a brand instead of being a person.

And yesterday, watching that woman in Target, I realized: I don’t even know who I am anymore outside of what I’m building.

The Question I Can’t Stop Asking

When did I stop being Sequoia and start being “Sequoia the Faith-Based Business Consultant”?

When did my worth become tied to my productivity? When did my identity become inseparable from my business? When did I start measuring my value by my impact instead of just… being?

I’ve been so focused on building something that matters that I’ve forgotten how to just BE someone who matters—not because of what I do, but because I’m a beloved daughter of God.

And here’s the part that’s messing me up: I’ve been teaching other women not to do this. I’ve been coaching them to separate their identity from their business. I’ve been preaching rest and boundaries and knowing your worth outside of your work.

But I haven’t been living it.

What I’m Sitting With Right Now

I don’t have this figured out yet. I’m literally sitting in the middle of it right now, trying to untangle what’s calling and what’s just me trying to prove something.

But here’s what I’m starting to see: Maybe the business I’ve been building isn’t wrong. Maybe the way I’ve been building it is.

Maybe I don’t need to burn it all down. Maybe I just need to stop performing and start being present.

Maybe the women I’m called to serve don’t need me to be impressive. They need me to be real.

Maybe the Kingdom work I’m doing doesn’t require me to sacrifice my humanity to prove my dedication.

What I’m Changing

I don’t know what this looks like practically yet. I’m still figuring it out. But here’s what I know:

I’m done posting content just to stay “consistent” when I have nothing to say. I’m done saying yes to opportunities that look good on paper but drain my soul. I’m done measuring my worth by my productivity.

I’m going to start doing things just because I want to—not because they’re “on brand” or “strategic” or “serving my audience.” I’m going to buy the notebook even though I don’t need it. I’m going to take a Tuesday afternoon off just because. I’m going to remember what it feels like to be a person, not a platform.

And I’m going to trust that the women I’m called to serve will still be there when I show up as my whole, unfiltered, imperfect self.

Because maybe the most Kingdom thing I can do is stop performing and start being.

What I Want You to Know

If you’ve been building something and you’ve lost yourself in the process, you’re not alone.

If you can’t remember the last time you did something just because you wanted to, not because it served your business or your brand or your calling, it’s time to stop.

If you’ve been performing instead of being present, you don’t need to burn it all down. You just need to remember who you are outside of what you build.

I’m still in the middle of this. I don’t have the answers yet. I’m just a woman sitting in a Target parking lot, realizing I’ve been building the wrong thing—or at least building the right thing the wrong way.

And maybe admitting that is the first step toward building something real.

When’s the last time you did something just because you wanted to, not because it served your business or your calling? What if it’s time to stop building and start being?