Back to Me

The Year of New Beginnings, 2017, is where I find myself blooming into the woman God created me to be. You see, when I was born, God knew who I was. I just didn’t know. It amuses me how we go through life “discovering” who we are when who we are has never changed. We just never gave us a chance. All God wants us to do is believe Him when He shows us who we are. Just like we tell others to believe people when they show us who they are, why can’t we believe God when He shows us who we are?

The moment we are formed in the womb, God has destined our lives. In that moment, He decides how we will bless His kingdom and who we will be. From the moment we are born, people tell us who we are and what we should do. Some even go as far as to tell us how to speak, what to wear, and where we should go. We go through life being and doing everything we are told to be and do.

We lose ourselves and drift into “People Pleasers Land,” the place where being who you have to be is the way to go. No one ever told me it would’ve been that hard to get back to the real me. For so long, I had been skimming the surface and doing a little something here and there, like hosting events, doing live streams, participating in collaborations, and really just faking who I was.

It took me feeling like I was going through Hell right here on earth to understand that when God speaks, I had to not only listen but also obey.

November 30, 2015, was the day my old life ended and my new life began. I knew this day was coming, just not how soon. You see, I lost my job that day, and what I thought was the worst thing that ever happened to me turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. God had been waiting for me to tap back into to who I was so that I could be “The Woman” He created me to be.

God took away everything I thought I needed to be “The Woman.” He took away my three-story house, my office, my War Room, my garage, my car, and my good job. I felt like He was stripping away my life, but He was really resuscitating my life so that I could be “The Woman” He created me to be.

After losing everything and having to put my things in storage, my kids and I moved into a room in my sister’s house in an attempt to get back on my feet. Little did I know, God was using what I saw as a bad situation to revive my soul and renew my mind. I had been waddling in my single motherhood for far too long, and I needed to see what it was truly like for me to walk in my purpose and be a blessing to other single mothers who had lost everything.

It took having my back against the wall so that all I could do was push. It took losing just about everything I had for me to appreciate the little things that God had blessed me with and to be humbler. It took everyone slamming doors in my face and telling me “no” to realize that the only unchanging hand was God’s. It took me losing all hope for me to see that hope is where it all begins. It took letting go of the life, the hurt, the pain, the anger, the frustration, and the guilt to get back to me.

I applied everywhere for a job, and no one called me back. I knew I had the experience and couldn’t for the life of me understand why I, Vanetia Fahie, could not find a job. I learned that it wasn’t that I wasn’t qualified; it was that I wasn’t called.

I started volunteering and speaking life into pregnant teens who were broken and about to face some of the same barriers I had faced when I had my daughter at 20. Little did I know that this was in God’s divine will. While I was still looking for jobs to just get by with and get back on my feet, He had already found a place for me. He put me in a place I never thought I would be: back at home ministering to girls who were in similar situations that I once was in as a teen mother. This was His divine will.

That volunteering position turned into a paid position, ministering to these girls about life, self-worth, pursuing their dreams, and overcoming that fear in their hearts and that voice in their heads telling them they can’t now because of their new-found motherhood. All things I once had to also overcome.

God had brought me back to a place I said I would never be. I always said I had to go away to make it, and while that worked for a while, that wasn’t in His plans. While I took my own route, I ended up coming back full circle to do exactly what He wanted me to do. I got off course along the way, and God had to bring me back. He had to give me clarity. He had to give me a better understanding and put my mind in a better place so that I could receive all that Jesus died for me to have and be “The Woman” He created me to be.

It was time for me to get back to me.

Back to embracing my black is beautiful, my black is AweMazing, my black is unique, and my black is me.

Back to embracing the flaws of me: my nappy hair, my crooked teeth, my plus size body, all of me.

Back to being different, and loving every moment of it.

Back to walking in my greatness and owning the space created just for me.

Back to being the best mom that I can be, single and all. #singlemoms

Back to speaking my truth and not letting fear silence my heart or my voice.

Back to being the woman I was created to be.

Back to being the woman that’s been hiding from the world.

Back to being the woman inside of me.

Back to being me!

Back to being Vanetia Victoria Fahie!

Thank you, God, for it all. For bringing me back to me.

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