The Needs of a Christian Man

I initiated the relationship that turned into my marriage by sending a private message on Facebook. My then-friend, Ashley Jones, didn’t appear to be dating anyone (although I thought she was dating this guy named John). I had just ended a relationship a month earlier, and I vowed to not date anyone; I just wanted to focus on school. Pouring my heart out to her in a message was truly an act of God. God spoke to me through the Holy Spirit and told me that Ashley was the woman I should pursue; all I had to do was tell her how I felt.

I thought it would be as simple as writing the message, sending it to her, she would say yes and become my girlfriend, and the rest would be history. I’ve never been more wrong in my life. Not only did she not agree to becoming my girlfriend immediately, she told me that I would have to wait a little while before I could date her. I was okay with that, but I really, really liked her, and I wanted to make it official, but she wouldn’t budge. I knew that she wouldn’t back down, so I agreed to wait for the relationship on her terms.

She and I talked for about two weeks before I asked her to be my girlfriend (for like the sixth time) via text message on November 15, 2011. She said yes, and we were finally official! Oh yeah, and her birthday just happened to be the next day, so it was a happy early birthday present to her!

There’s not enough time for me to talk about all the details of how we went from dating to married, but I’ll give some of the highlights.

  • On our first date, we went to the park, ordered wings and pizza, and watched Drumline. On her couch, of course!
  • We gave each other promise rings to commemorate our first year of dating.
  • I proposed to her on a yacht. In Miami, FL. With the sunset behind us. If this sounds like a movie, I promise you that it actually happened!
  • We got married on December 12, 2014, in Clemson, SC, in front of a small group of family and friends.

This is the part where I’m supposed to give you advice on how to date a Christian guy, and what you should or shouldn’t do as a Christian woman dating a Christian guy. I’m going to do that, but before I do, I want you to know one thing: there’s no blueprint for having a relationship rooted in Jesus Christ. The only way that will happen is for both of you to:

  • Listen to God and do what He says!
  • Follow Jesus’s example of love and service!
  • Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit!

Doing those three things will make your relationship work better than any advice I could give you. But I do want to leave you with a few helpful hints on how to date a Christian man.

  1. Let him pursue you! A better way to say this would be, “Don’t play hard to get.” You can tell if he truly wants to pursue you in love and purity or not. Don’t keep him at arms’ length because you’re scared that he’s just like every other guy you’ve talked to. If he meets all of your standards AND he’s following Jesus, give him a chance!
  2. Give him grace! The FIRST time Ashley and I talked on the phone, she heard me cuss my roommate out. She had every right to think, “I don’t know if this is going to work” but instead, she gave me grace. She didn’t end any chances of us having a relationship because I displayed my imperfection. She let Jesus work on me, which leads to the next point…
  3. Let Jesus change him! Please, please don’t be THAT woman! Chances are, if he has an active relationship with Jesus Christ (and you’ll know!), he knows some of the things he needs to work on. He knows what he needs to work on better than you do, and I can promise you that Jesus can help him change better than you! Just trust that he’ll change, but not when you want him to!


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Kelsey and Ashley Mattison believe that God honors purity above possessions. Their desire to remain pure fueled their decision to get married despite still being in school and having no job or place to live. They only believed that God would honor their desire to please Him in their relationship and He has blessed their marriage plentifully as they continue to grow together. Ashley now has a degree in Middle Level Education and is starting her Masters in Youth Development Leadership at Clemson University. Kelsey is completing his degree in Elementary Education at Clemson University. They plan to go into full time ministry together and plant a church at some point in the future (whenever God calls them). Their hobbies include traveling, goofing around, and figuring out what living the life of faith is really all about. They currently reside in Anderson, SC, and would love to hear from you!

Kelsey Blog Link:

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